


One Month And A Few Minutes

by heroheffalump



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Declarations Of Love, Fear, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Male Character, Love, M/M, Memories, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-09 14:37:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20996444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroheffalump/pseuds/heroheffalump
Summary: Stan and Bill never lost the contact even with the dissipation of the losers after all left Derry (except Mike) and they made their own lives separately.They were communicating through letters, in which they redacted how was their lifes and basically, updates about their every day; until one day Stan didn't answer to Bill's latest letter.Bill got worry since Stan's last letter showed emotional instability but he wanted to think maybe Stan was too busy to answer.Mike called him, saying the losers should reunite again, all of them knew why, except Stan, who didn't answer Mike's phone call."You have being talking all this time with Stan through letters, right?" said Mike."Yeah, didn't he answer your phone call?"."I have called him multiple times, but neither his wife or him took the phone, can you try to reach him? Maybe he answers you faster, it's important the seven of us do this together"."I know. I'll try, thanks for calling Mike, see you soon".The moment their call ended, Bill prepared himself, taking the last letter Stan wrote him to find his home.There was no time to phone calls, Bill knew something was wrong with Stan even if he didn't want to think about it.





	1. Nostalgic

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!! The author here.  
The letters may be or not be in order, in the sense of, they didn't send letters every day, they did it when they could. Also, have in mind the time of the delivery of the letters, that's why the letters doesn't have a date or anything related, just have in mind Stan's suicide date in the book (May 28) and the year when elapses the second movie, 2016, that's when this fanfic take place.  
Also, english isn't my mother tongue, so if you spot any mistakes in the writting i'm sorry and if there's any way to let me know, please do it!  
Now, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy it a lot!  
You can also make me questions about my fanfics or me in Tellonym:  
@/heroheffalump
> 
> Apart from writting, i'm also an artist. I draw, make photography, play piano and sometimes sing. So, in case you want to follow me, here are my social medias:  
Instagram art account: @/theheroheffalump  
Instagram personal/photography account: @/bunuelodelbueno  
Twitter art account: @/heroheffalump

_**"**Dear Stan,_

_How are you? I hope you are better off your cold, if you don't get better i may have to give you a new nickname in the name of Richie, something like "Sick Urine". Lately i've been thinking on writting a script of our stories when we were young in Derry, maybe one day it becomes a movie, who knows; _ _that also reminds me of a song i've been listening lately, **When we were young **by Adele, have you listen to it yet? If it's not the case, you should! It's almost new, the singer released it last year, tell me your thoughts if you listen to it._

_I've been really nostalgic that i even though on going to Derry with the hope of feeling young again, but i also remembered all that happen there, my desire to return left._

_I miss Georgie._

_To be honest i think since that summer, when we started to grow up, i lost the wheel of what i wanted to do with my life and i just let the wheel be and choose the pass the wind decided, i wish i could came back and change many things. I hope in the future someone make a time machine but i'll be dead at the time, i'm old, you know?_

_Audra and I aren't being able to comunicate properly these days, when I talk about this things with her, she says isn't worth it to keep reminding bad memories that are not gonna change._

_I guess she's right._

_I just want her to listen to my thoughts, not an opinion, i know memories does not change but sharing them is better that keeping them in my head. I've try to talk with her because she makes me feel guilty for being nostalgic and i want to put a solution to it but everytime i brought that up she tell me she does not want to know anything about it, my marriage is going down the cliff. Do you have any advice to safe this? A time machine could work too._

_When i talk with someone i love i want to feel understood and right now, i think you're the only one who understand me._

_Thanks for reading my thoughts, i appreciate you._

_Tell me about what are you being up to lately, give Patty a hug. I'll be waiting for your answer._

_I miss you,_

_Bill**"**._


	2. Understandable

** "**_Hi Bill_,

_I've been better but at least my cold is gone, thanks for asking. I appreciate that you want to give me a new nickname but please, let the jokes for Richie. And never in your life think about tell him i said that because then i'll have to kill you both and now i'm cool with my job._

_The script sounds good. Are you going to write all of our adventures, just a few or one in expecific? Because if you're going to write them all, your work is gonna have like 1,138 pages; so, good luck with it. Let me know if you start what you have in mind, i enjoy reading your stuff, you're great in what you do Bill._

_I also miss Georgie, i remember a few days before what happened, we hang out in the abandoned park, we were playing around about being pirates with sticks for swords; suddenly we heard Georgie sniffing and whimpering, we went there, he fell of the old slide because it broke. I tried to calm him down being playful and saying to him we should cut his leg and he'll be call "Shipboy Pegleg", he started crying even more. Then you calmed him down saying we could not cut his leg since he'll have a scar of the amazing adventure he had, sliding down the tentacle of a giant squid who surrendered to Georgie Shipboy, the bravest grummet of all the seas._

_He loved that, he loved you. Don't blame yourself for his dead, he would never blamed you._

_Sorry for bring more memories back._

_Of course you'll be dead to see that time machine, you have a foot in the grave basically. You're really dramatic now, did you know that? Have you been dramatic all your life and i didn't notice or is a thing of being an elder? Because you feel old doesn't mean you are, Bill. I mean, obviously you are not a teen anymore but when you talk about being old it sounds like you walk with a walker. You still have a lot of time to spend._

_I'm sorry to hear about Audra and you, I don't have a time machine, yet, maybe one day i end up making it so we can go to the past. I wonder how you look like now, it's weird we've been talking for ages but never thought on meet again, we still as smart as we were for sure. Please, describe me how are you physically, I am pretty sure you still have a nice face._

_Going back about Audra and you, i can't reallly give you any advice, i can't hug Patty because we're not together anymore, we decided to give us time, so, if i wan't able to save my marriage, i don't think i'm gonna be able to save yours and obviously i don't want to make it worse. I'm sorry i can't help you but what can i tell you is that everyone who love you should listen to you and want to know about what are your thoughts even if you repeat them a hundred times. It's normal the same convertation over and over again, get tiring in a marriage but the more we talk things, the more we know about it. If you have a problem and you scape of it like Audra not wanting to listen about your thoughts instead of finding a solution, you only get more problems behind you. If you have to end a problem, talk about it until you find what is the main point of it so you can heal it from the bottom._

_Talk to Audra again, i hope she listen to you, if she doesn't, maybe you should also give youselfs a time, i hope it will not be the case._

_I also feel you're the only one who understand me Bill, i appreciate you too._

_Sincerely,_

_STAN**"**._


	3. Memories

**"**_Dear Stan_,

_I'm glad your cold is gone. I'm sorry but if we ever reunited again, i'm totally telling Richie. But I sincerely hope if we ever reunite again it's not for our promise._

_I was thinking in one adventure, you know, the one who traumatized all of us, making it in a horrorbook, so maybe other people can enjoy some way what we went throught and also maybe sharing it make me feel better than keeping it to myself, like thoughts. Still, is a long story to tell, so maybe it lasts as long as you said._

_You don't know how happy makes me read that you enjoy my work, that you even follow my work. Thank you, i try to do my best when i do something, you made my day. I'll personally send you the first copy of the book when it's finish._

_Don't be sorry for bringing memories, and less if the're good memories. That's what i meant when i said i wanted Audra to understand me, that she just listen to me and also she share her memories with me. You made me forget he's not here because i saw him in vivid memories, i guess remembering people is how you keep them alive, i'm not sad anymore about Georgie being gone, maybe nostalgic but happy._

_I don't know how you didn't notice i've been dramatic at least half of my life, i learned it the day i met you. Do you remember when we went to the lake as teens? The losers were separated because a stupid fight and we decided it was a good moment to take a bath in our underwear at October, i agree it doesn't matter how much time pass, we're gonna still be as stupid as that day._

_We let drop our bicicles on the floor a few inches away from the shore of the lake, and our clothes just in front. We climbed until we were standing on the cliff, the one we jumped the firt time that summer. You pushed me, so i grabbed your hand and we fell together. We freezed at the moment the water splashed for the weight of our bodies, we kept under water for at least 15 seconds because our bodies went rigid for the drastic tempature change. When we went out our first reflex was hold each other's shoulders, going back under water for a split second, when we separate then we started moving our arms under water, our lips were complitely purple, at least yours were. We said at unison "i'm freezing", so we bet that whoever was the last to reach the shore should spend his pay to invite the other to dinner. We almost drown each other multiple times and we spent so much time trying to stop the other from reaching the shore that we were not cold anymore, all became warm. If you end up making that time machine, we should go back to that moment, in case you don't, maybe we should do a revenge so i can give you the opportunity to have a draw._

_I'm sorry to read about your marriage, i guess that's what you meant when you said you've been better, if is not the reason why you said that, you know you have me here for everything you need Stan, everything. As you said to me in the last letter, escape from your problems only make things worse, if you need me to listen to your thoughts a hundred times, even if it's the same conversation over and over again, i'll listen to you._

_I have not really change much, my eyes still blue, my hairstyle didn't change, my facial features are more highlighted, i have wrinkles, etc, it's difficult to describe myself. How would you describe yourself now?_

_Maybe you're right, maybe we'll also need some time, i'll think about. I'll tell you how it went after i'll talk with Audra. Thank you for your kind words._

_You are still the best._

_With love,_

_Bill**"**._


	4. Sorry

_**"**Hi Bill,_

_Regarding Richie, if he gets to know, let me know, so i can start planning your murder. Jokes aside, if you discover any way of contact him, please tell me, i've been trying for a few months now but his manager said he's too busy to talk with anyone now that he's on tour, i'm really happy he's succeding but i miss talking to him._

_I don't think that i could keep my promise if we need to reunite again, i'm not prepared to deal with that kind of shit anew, i still have nightmares for what happened, i have to take pills so i can sleep and thoughts can't haunt me while I'm awake. I wish i could do work with our trauma and turn it into something creative as you. I hope you're able to deal with it better than me and that you can find some type of peace sharing it with the world transforming it into a book. You'll do a good work, you've been doing your best for so long, as a friend, as a brother, as a leader, I'm sure you'll nail it. I'm impatient to read it, i feel honored i'll have the first copy in my hands, thank you._

_I hope Audra and you don't need to have any time,_ _i'll be waiting for the update and i hope she listens to you as you wanted._

_I'm glad the memories i brought back make you happy and not sad. Even if they're good memories, they can also make you sad, i loved the summer we pass when we were kids but that doesn't keep me away from the bad moments._

_It's not only my marriage, but a little bit of everything, everyday that pass it's harder to get up of bed, i don't know if this is what it feels to being an adult but now i understand why kids don't want to grow. God, _ _you're right, i'm the dramatic one, this sounds like if we were in a funeral, sorry. I appreciate your words, i know that if i needed to talk with someone i have you to do it. I'm immensely grateful for still have you in my life._

_I haven't change much as you i guess, i don' have many wrinkles but i have a lot of eye bags, i'm more tired, _ _my hair still curly but a bit shorter than before, now i need glasses and i'm taller. I guess we didn't change much since last time, anyway, now i'm curious to see you. I'm sure you still look like a movie, definitely still sound like a song. I listened to the song you recommended me, it definitely reminds me of when we were young, maybe we should meet again so you can recommend me more music, what do you think?_

_I remember, you were a dickhead and stole my clothes, for what I was sick for 2 weeks, so maybe we should not do the revenge 'cause i'll not return your clothes as you did and you'll have to go all over Derry in your underwear. Also, i'm still sorry for what i did at the lake, i don't feel like i should have done that, even if it has become one of my favorites memories of ours._

_And yes, yours were purple too._

_Sincerely,_

_STAN**"**._


	5. What We Did

_**"**Dear Stan,_

_I'm sorry that i couldn't answer you in a week, i've been busy with work,having to deliver scripts, etc. _ _I have no idea how to contact Richie, i haven't talk with any of the losers again except with you so i don't think i can help you with that. Have you try to search it in the Yellow Pages? Maybe his number is there._

_I remember your nightmares, you've been having them for so long, I hope the pills are working. Maybe i shouldn't send you a copy of the book of our story but giving it to you in person so if you're feeling bad remembering it, i can hold your hand and also, see what change are distinguishable in the factions of our faces while we listen to my playlist. You always know what to say, don't you? At least for me, doesn't matter what kind of concerned i'm telling you, with your words seems like everything is gonna be alright, you sure are convincing. It's pleasing that you dedicated to me some of the lyrics of the song, i was gonna dedicated it to you._

_I talked with Audra, we agree the best option was divorce, but now everything it's alright, this time she listened and also she shared her thoughts with me and why she didn't want to listen to me before, she made me see some things that i couldn't. Now we're moving papers, she's staying at a hotel until she find a new flat, i'm helping her. I feel like we're starting a new life but this time separate from each other and just being friends and the begining of this is more promising than the last year of our marriage, your hope didn't become real but don't _ _worry, we're actually glad and happy we're doing this and that now, we understand each other._

_I think adults are the ones who don't want to grow, i remember Georgie just forgetting everything eveytime you started to make a game so he would not cry, playing is forgetting. I guess us, as we don't play anymore and just talk, we start remembering memories related with the conversation we're in. Marriage is difficult, feelings are difficult, life is difficult, but there's people that love you so you wake up for them, if you don't have a motivation for yourself to wake up, please, think in all the people that love you and wake up to see them, make them your motivation. You're one of my motivations, don't forget it, a lot of people want to see you grow and get up of bed, including myself._

_But you should remember too that i took care of you when you were sick during those two weeks, going to your house everyday, maybe i was an asshole but i was a nice asshole. That Henry Bowers saw me naked in the lake once was enough, i don't need all Derry seeing me in my underwear and less as a grown man, so yeah, maybe we should not do that revenge. Y__ou shouldn't be, as a told you in the moment. I don't regret what you did, why would you? _ _Do you remember when i told you the day all the losers met was my second favorite day? Well, i make some updates, and for a long time now, it's the third one because the day of the lake became my second one, the first one didn't change and the third one became the fourth one. I would change nothing of that day Stan._

_I'm glad the both of us found what we were looking for._

_Truly,_

_Bill**"**. _


	6. Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
This chapter is not a letter, these are Stan's thoughts since Bill's last letter that he read.  
This chapter may contain: suicidal thoughts, feel of guiltiness, depression behavior, internal homophobia, etc.  
Be aware.   
If this thoughts are triggering for you, please don't read it, this not important to the story. If you decide to read them and end up feeling bad, please ask for help in people you trust, in case you don't have any person, leave a comment so i can contact you.

** _"_ ** _Have you been busy or you don't want to talk anymore?_

_No._

_He would not spend the time to write me if he didn't care._

_Maybe Richie doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I don't want to look the Yellow Pages, what if he have a private number? Will that confirm he doesn't want to talk to me? He's becoming famous... Maybe he have a new best friend or he forgot about me, maybe both._

_No._

_It wold be stupid that someone famous had his number in the Yellow Pages, everybody could talk with their favorite celebrity if it was the case. But we used to talk all the time, he must be really busy or he really forgot about my existence, i don't blame him, i hope he's well._

_I think my body adapted to the pills so they don't work anymore, they're supposed to be the most strongest sleeping pills in sale but at this point they only make me dizzy, maybe i should stop taking them. I feel like a junkie, just taking pills that kill my organs and don't help me. _

_Bill, i don't want to see you... No, i actually want, i don't want YOU to see me like this. I want to appreciate your face, how you have change physically but you probably still have the same personality even if you grew up as a person. I'm glad i make you think everything is gonna be alright, i really need to hear those words 'cause i only feel the opposite. If you knew how many songs remind me of you... I'm mad i couldn't dance with you in the high school ceremony, i'm sorry i got angry at you and i didn't explain, do you think i really can make a time machine?_

_I feel guilty. I know you said you're happy you are getting divorce, that you're in peace with Audra, but i know that even if you didn't really loved your couple or you loved her but you didn't connect properly, you feel like you could have done more or better, that you wasted your life or worse, the life of your couple but there's no way you can return all that time to them. _

_I'm sorry Patty, i know i didn't love you as you loved me, i knew my feelings and that i lived in a lie. Richie felt the same towards Eddie, i was fine with that, i remember when he was brave enough to tell me and i answer that i already knew, that i still loved him and I_ _ wasn't gonna stop being his friend for it. At no time i thought that was something bad but for some reason, me loving Bill wasn't right. The thought of loving him was terrifying, but still we kissed, we hugged, we talked and i realized all of that was what i wanted, what it feels to love someone but never, in any moment, the thought of being together as a couple was brought up. So i guessed i was only confused, i wasn't. I have never feel with you what i felt with Bill and you don't know how deeply i regret have wasted our time Patty, i'm sorry. I'm also sad i can't share this with you or with Richie and less tell Bill because i'm still afraid of his reaction even if i feel like he's giving me hints he feels the same, it feels like a misunderstanding._

_Bill, you're already my motivation to wake up, waiting for your letters in the morning is what it makes me get up of bed... But i don't want you to be my only motivation to live, i don't want to put such a pressure on your shoulders, i don't want to be a burden even if i already feel like one. Do you have trouble answering my letters? Are you getting tired of me? I wouldn't blame you, i'm also tired of myself and my behavior, i try to think coherently but everyday, horrible thoughts get in the way to stay positive.  
I want to come back to those days, the day we kissed and those two weeks you took care of me. I can't believe i'm your second favorite day, that you wanted what i wanted, still feels like a game, that you want to play but not as i do._

_I love you._

_Do you...?_

_No._

_You probably don't._

_I should keep myself away, maybe i should stop writting you, maybe..._

_I should end everything._

_Will you notice if i go? I notice when everyone go out of my life, i just hope you don't go. I already feel alone**"**._

Stan closed his eyes while tears were flowing down his cheeks. It was afternoon but Stan was already lay down on his bed ready to go to sleep, even if he was still dress, even if he wasn't wrapped. He was holding on his chest Bill's last letter, thinking in writting all what he thought to him, also to Patty or even Richie, but he never ended up writing what he thought, he didn't want to bother Bill, he knew Patty wasn't gonna answer back and if Richie didn't respond his calls, his letter was going to end in a bin.

Stan always had a knife under his pillow, in case anyone wanted to break-in his house, it wasn't a safe neighborhood, but he didn't feel safe with himself, the most dangerous thing around him was his thoughts, his nightmares, himself. He took the knife under the pillow without moving any part of his body but his arm. His eyes opened and look at the knife that was over him, moving it sideways, looking how shone. He sat on the bed, letting Bill's letter fall on the bed sheets, looking at his wrists, putting the knife in his left arm, pressing his tendons and veins, making them swollen while his tears started soak his clothes, the sheets, his uncovered arm and Bill's letter. He took a last glance, trying to read it but his eyes were tearful, blurring his view. But with the knife pressing harder at every word, he was able to read again "You're one of my motivations, don't forget it". His arms didn't have any strengh to keep them up, so he rest them in his lap and his fists opened. Stan couldn't contain the frustration and screamed in anger, letting all his tears go out with his breath, and a few blooddrops fell in Bill's last letter for the little cut in his arm. He looked at the letter again, sad but smiling for a few seconds, letting drop his body on bed, putting his left arm above his eyes, still crying while hyperventilating. Maybe, maybe Bill really meant what he said, and just for that...

** maybe was worth keep living.**


End file.
